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Creating a Loving Marriage
by
William J.D. Doran
The responsibility of creating a harmonious loving marriage is yours as an individual. There is no better way to influence another than to practice the behavior you would like to see from them.
Be kind and polite to each other. Practice kindness, expect kindness, open your heart and communicate your wish to receive kindness. If each member of the marriage makes the effort to foster kindness you both will make it flourish. Politeness is the icing on the cake that makes being around each other a pleasant experience for yourselves and those who observe your relationship.
Laugh. Laugh at life, laugh at yourselves and each other. Through the eyes of humor we can see each others quirks and idiosyncrasies as part of the human condition and can best tolerate or change them for the better.
Give each other space to grow and develop independently. Use the strength and knowledge that you gain as individuals to find ways to grow closer and more intimate with each other, honoring your differences as well as similarities. Be independent and strong but do not space yourselves so far apart that the intention of the marriage relationship is sacrificed.
Acknowledge that there is no other person in this world who is more deserving and qualified to share your most intimate thoughts, and need for affection. Grant special treatment and freedoms to your spouse that others are not privy to, remembering to touch and caress often. At times, a loving touch can say volumes more than the spoken word.
Be honest with your selves and each other as to what are the obstacles you face in achieving intimacy in love and deep mutual friendship. Acknowledge those obstacles and how you as an individual are responsible and empowered to remove them; then diligently set out to do so. If you have deleterious personal habits or use behavior crutches to hide behind, evaluate whether or not they are more important to hold on to than the priority of achieving the intimacy you desire. Love can move mountains and change lives.
Remove the causes for the lack of intimacy. Work to resolve resentment, hurt feelings, unfulfilled desires, and negativity. As a result, you will make room for the growth of intimacy and friendship and the unpleasant symptoms of inter-relational stress will go away.
A marriage thrives on the energy you bring into it. Balance your daily workload and make the adjustments necessary so you can share some of yourself with your spouse on a daily basis. Do what you must to save some of your energy throughout the day for sharing with your spouse and be aware that you are expected to bring something into the marriage and not just be on the receiving end.
Be tolerant of each other. We all fall short of the ideal one time or the other. We live within cycles of strength and weakness and it is unavoidable that our cycles do not always mesh with that of our spouse. Help each other when you see those low cycles and patiently give time for the recovery process to work.
Never stop saying "I love you". These words are a powerful gift and their verbal statement is a requirement for a healthy marriage. You will find that their expression is a medicine for healing many wounds for both the receiver as well as the giver.
Know that the decision to come together in marriage was made from a higher level than your current human existence. We choose to come into each other’s lives because this is the best possible opportunity we have to work out issues in the refinement of our souls. Take advantage of the opportunity to take your love to a higher level.
The time is now for committing yourselves to creating the highest good possible. The sooner the lessons of loving kindness can be learned and put into practice the sooner you can move on, both as individuals and as a couple, to higher levels of being. The lessons to be learned will not be fulfilled on their own. They require working on the deeper issues and take risks in seeing the other’s point of view. Accepting that your spouse’s perspective may be of merit will foster openness and trust.
Our intentions drive our actions, which in turn are reflected in the quality of our relationships. This is why it is so important to foster communication from the deepest part of our heart and reveal what we want. It is not easy to have your actions show what your deeper intentions are. Work to refine your behavior and your intentions of love and commitment will be known.
Think about the forces that have drawn you to form a marriage. Understand that the yearning for love and tenderness comes from our heart’s desire for unity with The Creator, the ultimate source of peace and love. Follow the path towards the divine, for the fruit of your labor will be the strength to create the strong and loving marriage you desire.
Copy write © 1997 William J.D. Doran